stop consider reflect...to much on my mind...
first things first.
WORSHIP-
my desire to see the Lord do a refining work in my heart, my idol
factory that needs to be destroyed each moment each day, He is worthy,
and i was created to worship; thankfulness, faith that He's
trustworthy...talking with Him...rawness. real. thats worship. beautiful
second thought- my burden for the kids on my bus has
grown...yet i don't have freedom to talk to them about the Lord, today i
did try.. i heard two of my elementary kids talking about God,
the world, creation, Jesus, what happens when we die... my heart
rejoiced to hear them talking..but then i heard their theology...their
perspective is being shaped by 'religion' of dos and don't...i started
talking to one of the girls about Jesus..i told her "i love Jesus
too"..she said "oh we cant talk about this"...and i said "your allowed to talk about it and ask questions" then she said "i go to
church school and in april i get to have my first communion"...i said
"oh thats really neat"...[i hope i don't loose my job]....i hate
religion...a system that is not of true faith, hope and love is of the
devil ...fact. i hate it. i cry for the kids of this nation, so much
potential, they have freedom to ask questions, but they don't and
expectations for kids are so, so incredibly low.. all they want is to
see kids barely pass each grade and keep them off the streets and away
from drugs... my middle school kids talk about drugs alot...they are
searching and no one is holding them to a standard hirer then that which
would lead them to doing drugs..
burdened. i want to tell them i
care about them and i'm proud of them for doing well on my bus. they
behave really well..compared to some that is.. if one would want to see
totally depravity, come ride my bus. but these kids are great, and alot of them need to be loved.. i missed
two days of work and they were so, sooo happy to have me back. now thats
very special:)
kids. i love them. so many are abused and lack the
love that they were created to know and need. God take me to places
where you can love kids through me. anywhere. i'll go.
third
thought- servant, not a "leader"..not special cause i'm on 'leadership',
no it means being a servant, humility - God change my perspective of
the people around me, of each member of the body of Christ, they are
precious and beautiful and important, treasured by you,,,love them
through me.
fourth thought- i ran into my old co-worker's mom,
she told me her daughter thought id stopped being her friend because she
got pregnant out of wedlock.... if that didn't make me stop and re
evaluate my priorities then i don't know what could.. oh how i must make
things right with her.. 'cause that never was my thought ever...life
got to too busy after i left working in the deli.. i must see her, she
just lives down the street. i want to talk her a baby basket of gifts.
she's having her baby real soon and doesnt have alot of money
thought number five- life's going
to get busy soon, all my roommates will be getting here, i want to start
this semester well...last semester was rough, very raw experiences,
learning... . ONLY by the grace of God can i finish this chapter in
this place well. each day is in the hands of the one i worship, the One i
love, He will do great things. He will refine and humble my ever so
prideful heart, He's faithful to discipline and shape the ones He
loves... this is precious, when things are very hard this is what i must
be reminded of...when really neat things happen He is the only One i
can point to.
last thought- i cherish my family and am so thankful for the special, short time i got to have with them; they support we 100% and pray for me all the time..that's something not many people have...thanks God.
